I have been in
school for a few weeks now. As a matter of fact, the classroom time
is almost over. We have on week of classes left. It has flown by. We
have been frozen at times as the temperatures indoors hovered just
above the freezing mark and other days we have endured sweltering
heat, both indoor and out. We came here a group of students and staff
that did not know anybody and we have grown to love each other and be
family. In less than 2 weeks we head to Morelos for the Heidi Baker
outreach then 5 of us split off from the rest of the class and go to
Juarez for 2 weeks of outreach and ministry there. It will be a hard
day when we start separating but I have a suspicion that it will not
be the last time I see these people. I believe that many of them will
be popping in and out of my life for many years to come.
When I came to
Reynosa, I had not idea what to expect. I knew the reputation of the
city but that was it. The school is brand new and we are the first
class here. It is similar to other Iris schools but has a little
different flavor because of location. I knew that there would be lots
of time in the classroom and suspected that we would do some outreach
but everything has gone so much different than I would have imagined.
It has truly been a life altering experience. That phrase even has
taken on a new depth and richness to me. It really does mean that our
lives are on the alter and waiting for the consuming fire.
I assumed that we
would spend hours and days being saturated in Scripture and truth and
that did happen but that was only one part of the equation. The truth
is that each of us was here to have our hearts broken, to see our own
brokenness and hurts, to experience the forgiveness of God, be
delivered from shame and be free to let the Holy Spirit lead. I have
learned how limited that I was by things that I did not even know I
carried. I was guarded and protected myself at the expense of
fruitfulness, life and joy. In order to not be hurt, I closed off
areas of myself to people and used humor or withdrawal to protect
myself from entering into the hurt and being free. I hid things in my
past because of shame. I carried so much that it kept me from living
the abundant life that Jesus promised.
Over the first
months of the school I spent more time crying on the carpet than
anything. People would give a teaching and God would just gently say
“This is for you. Let me free you.” Every time that I responded,
He touched me and healed another are of my life. He set me free and
replaced my guilt, sorrow and shame with love, forgiveness, life,
peace and joy. It was about a month of this cycle repeating every few
days. I would hear, God would call, I would respond and He would
bring life to a barren place. I was beginning to wonder if that cycle
would ever end but at the same time loved the new freedoms that were
coming and learned that confession really is good for the soul It is
scary but it kills the flesh and grows the spirit.
This last week has
been quite the opposite in many regards but has been just a
continuation of the process. Last Friday night we traveled to a town
called Sabinas Hidalgo to work with a couple of Churches and our
missionary family from Nuevo Larado. There was a presence of God that
was tangible from the very beginning. People there were hungry to see
God move in their lives, their Church and the city. That hunger
brought such a charged atmosphere, like God was just waiting to
reveal Himself, and that He did in power and glory. We prayed for
people and He brought freedom but in the middle of praying for a man,
God asked me about the gold in my own heart. He asked me if I had
considered the need to mine the gold in me, to let Him reveal what of
Himself that He had put in me at creation. About that time, one of
our long term missionaries started praying for me to experience the
presence of God in a new way, in His power and freedom. My life has
been so different this week that I see the presence of God and hunger
for Him increase each day and I see Him coming to meet that hunger
every time. He prayed and I had a hard time staying on my feet for
the next 2 hours. When I was standing, I was dancing. I do not like
to dance but I have been doing it a lot in the last week as Jesus
keeps bringing more freedom and joy.
After that, things
got really crazy. I have been experiencing new levels of joy. I have
had a desire to pray in tongues and began to really see how God uses
that to break down our barriers to pray impossible prayers and set
people free. I believed in the gift and have experienced it but did
not see the daily benefit of using it. Now I understand that God uses
it to declare things into ourselves and others to break chains off of
people’s lives. He prays through us. When we give Him our mouth, He
fills it with His purposes and us speaking it is entering agreement
with Him even though we do not necessarily know what we are agreeing
about. It is just giving Him our consent to do what He wants to do.
He does not need it but He still often waits for it anyway. As I pray
for people, I see chains come off. I see them filled with life,
laughter and joy. God is just releasing Himself to them and I get to
stand in the middle and see it happen.
I also am hearing
the voice of God so much more clearly and seeing His activity much
more clearly. He desires to show us what it is that He is doing and
He shows whenever we will watch. The key is learning to discern what
He is doing and being willing to obey whatever He shows us to do. I
used to think I needed to remain in control, to be dignified to not
bring dishonor to Jesus. Now I realize that the only way I can
dishonor Him is to hold on to control and guard myself from pain. I
can enter into pain because Jesus is there. I can feel joy because I
am open to wherever He leads. I can live life because I am becoming
fearless.
We need to be rooted
in the Scripture. It is our guidebook for life. Truth is revealed to
us in it and cannot be ignored or neglected. At the same time, if we
are not walking continually in encounter with Jesus, we do not have a
relationship with Him. We only have knowledge. They are not the same
no matter what we want to believe. Knowledge is necessary but so is
experience. It is when we experience Him, surrender to His love and
set our will to obey that His power begins to flow through us. As I
pray for people, I am expecting freedom and joy to come. I am seeing
it right in front of my eyes as people’s faces change. God is good
and He is love. He is filling me with joy and it is pouring out to
others.
I will be back in
Morris soon and would love a chance to talk to you. If you are in
Guatemala or somewhere else, feel free to contact me through Whatsap,
facebook or email me at thegeokr@yahoo.com.
I welcome questions or look forward to talking anytime.
