God has been
speaking to me about so many things and it has been overwhelming. I have spent
most of the last 30 years involve in ministry to kids in some fashion. At times
I helped with youth ministry. Other times I led youth ministries or worked with
CYCM to reach the kids in the community. In Guatemala, we worked a lot at our
schools in Membrillal and Zapote and I got to build a lot of relationships with
kids. I have loved every minute of ministering to kids even when they were
angry or hard to deal with. I always believed that what I was doing had eternal
value and even if I did not see fruit today, God would use my effort. I still
believe that but God has been changing my thinking and what I see as the most
important aspect of youth ministry lately.
While in
school John Arnott spoke about the lack of fathers being the largest problem
the world is facing. The likelihood of growing up in poverty and of becoming a
criminal goes up drastically when dads are not present. Drug use and alcohol
abuse are higher among kids from single family homes. Depression is higher for
this group also. In every measurable and observable category, children without
dads in the picture are more at risk. This does not mean that every dad is good
to be around their kids or that every single mom is doing a horrible job. What
is does mean is that kids take a lot of time and energy. One person, no matter
how loving and diligent they are cannot do the job as well as two loving
parents. God designed kids to have two parents because that is what it takes to
give a sense of security and identity.
Many of the
kids I have spent my time with over the last few years come from single parent
homes. I am not pointing fingers or assigning blame on anyone. I have not lived in
their homes. I also recognize that it would have been better for those kids to
have 2 loving parents looking after them. That is not to say that their parents
were loving, just that it would be better if they had been and that they were
present and involved. That is a hard position to come to because there are so
many variables that we have no control over. We can want that for kids, but we
cannot make it happen.
What God has
been speaking to me about lately has been dads. They are crucial to kids
growing up and having a sense of identity and worth. We live in a society where
even our last name comes from our dad. That speaks right to the heart of our
identity. Unfortunately, many kids say their last name with shame or
humiliation. They are not leaving a legacy or a good family tradition for their
children. Many of the kids I know are just angry with their dads, and rightly
so. What is the solution?
In 2 Cor 5:16-21,
I think God addresses that very clearly. 2Co 5:16-20 ESV 16 From now on,
therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once
regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. 17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed
away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled
us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ
God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against
them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are
ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on
behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
God sees
things differently. He sees people through the cross. Their sin and brokenness
do not define people to God. He created them with purpose and destiny. He saw
them and knew them before the foundation of the world. He is telling us to see
people through His eyes. He wants us to see what He loves about them and cause
us to love that about them also. When we do, He gives us a ministry of reconciliation.
As we begin to see the truth of a person, from the perspective of God, we can
call them into a relationship with Him.
There are a
lot of parents, dads especially that have been living with an ungodly view of
themselves. They may have never expected a pregnancy. Maybe they were not
stable or secure in their identity when children started coming. For whatever
reason, they bailed out on their family. Somehow, they got the idea that they
would all be better off going separate ways. They have not been there for their
wives or girlfriends and they have not been there for their children. This
becomes a never ending downward spiral. They start to blame their growing kids
for not wanting to spend time with them and being disconnected without
acknowledging that the process started with decisions that they made. There is
plenty of pain and anger to go around. Finger pointing is the norm in these
families, but it does not fix anything.
I believe
God is saying it is time to start recognizing the real culprit. The devil hates
you. He hates your kids. He hates your family. He will do all that is in his
power to destroy you. He has limited authority, but he knows you and has seen
who God created you to be. He has struck at the core of our identities. The
kids are being targeted but it starts by attacking the identity of their dads.
We need to start going after the hearts of the dads and speaking the truth of
God to them. They are not the enemy. They are victims of the devil’s war on
their family. They made bad choices but they were influenced by a crafty and smart enemy. They were not prepared to stand against an attack that they were
not told was coming. The devil attacked their children by lying to the dads and
pushing them away from their families.
It is time
to say "no more". We must learn to see dads as God sees them. Their role in the
family and in society is too important. We have to proclaim their God given
identity at every opportunity. It is the one their families need them to live
in. It is also more true about them than any other identity they may have
adopted because it is the only one rooted in the truth. God sees them through
the cross. In His eyes, they are already reconciled to Him. He has a new identity and a new name to reveal to them. That does not mean they are saved or in
relationship to Him, only that from His end, everything is in place for that
relationship. Their sin and rebellion against God are all built on lies. He
wants us to expose the lies and call them into life.
As the
Church starts walking out the ministry of reconciliation and dads see
themselves as God sees them, they will want to return to their families. They will want to look after the hearts of their wives and their children. They will
live out of an identity that they will want to pass on. Children will
understand that they have a heritage and an inheritance. Our job is to minister
this reconciliation. It is to proclaim the truths of God. For too long, we have
tried to shame men into being dads but that has backfired. They have felt the
shame and run away. It is time to say that there is no more shame, only
repentance leading to healing for dads and for their families. The cycle of lies and defeats is coming to an end because Jesus is pouring love into their hearts. They are DADs.
 |
| Pastor Mario's granddaughter Dulce. |
The better
model of youth ministry God has been speaking to me about is wholistic. Kids
are not whole while their families are broken. When dad is not there, a piece
of their puzzle is missing. When we minister to kids, ignore the family and
then send them home, we only create a sense of confusion for many of them. God
loves me but my family is a mess. How do they reconcile these two contrasting
ideas? The answer is that we run after the absent father, even the abusive
father and we speak to them about the real identity that God has hidden in
them. It has been stolen by a devil that hates them and by the blinding
enticements of sin that entrap them. We proclaim the freedom that Jesus has
purchased for them. We allow God to speak new identity into them even when
nobody can see it because it is pushed so deep below the surface. We pray for
insight and wisdom into the true identity God has and wants them to receive so
that they can be godly dads. Lastly, we pursue the hearts of dads without fear
or hesitation because we know it is the heart of God for them.
Healed dads
will begin to lead healed families. They will have children with identity that
can walk in the purpose of God. They will be able to love freely and have deep,
intimate relationships because God has set them free. Hiding and shame will no
longer be part of the family life. Children will walk in destiny and become all
God has for them to be.
Many of you
are skeptical. You do not believe that God can, or that He desires to heal these
families but Jesus, repeating the words from Malachi said that He would come
and turn the hearts of the fathers to the children. Mal 4:6 and Lk 1:17. Lets
pray that today He would do that now and then run after the absent, broken, addicted and lost
fathers so they can be the dads they are called to be.
